Shear joy, Getting a grip, Weeping elephant statue, strapping woman and gelatinous ear'oles

She. Where've ya bin? 

Me. Well, you know how it is.

She. Don't you realise it was May when you last posted anything? 

Me. Yep. Sorry.

She. What about the people who hang on you every word and look forward to reading your stuff?

Me. Well it has been a very busy time  and you  know how it is when you come in at the  end of a day's work, you're a bit short of energy. Even more so in the winter -  you just nod off.

She. That's not really good enough, is it?

Me. I have explained to the readers and they are okay with it,  

She. Are they now?

Me. Yes, they have  been very understanding -  both of them! 

She. Well you better get on with something now.  

Me. Okay.

New posts announced on twitter @pwhorticulture

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 Shear Joy

I have posted some pictures of  this  topiary before  but the guy who clipped it came to me , very proudly , saying that it was freshly  cut  and I should get some pictures. Unfortunately it was  a day of very bright sunshine  and very difficult to get good pictures. Anyway here are the pictures and here is the plug I promised you  a long time ago now Chris, sorry. If any one would  like  to use the finely honed clipping skills of Chris  and his able assistant then contact them at info@beechwood-landscapes.co.uk    

Does this make you think three friends coming home late from the pub?

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Get a grip

I don't know if you are a Formula One fan but if you are you will know  that there was  some  hoo haa last season  about the tyres  ( I actually spelled that tires at first and didn't  notice  - tut tut) well I have found something that should do the trick. They are bound to last the whole 65 laps and if it rains, well, you are not going to worry, skidding won't be a problem

Here it is the Pirelli Slick Sure Grip................... 

....and here is a failed prototype!......

.......you won't get this delaminating!

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A bit edgy 

There seems to be a mechanical theme developing here. 

I was at  Canwell Show in August last year  and there was an exhibition of old garden machinery.

Any  ornamental gardener will  tell you that one of the most  time consuming and frustrating jobs is keeping the edge of the lawn looking tidy. If you  are  a bit nifty with  a strimmer you can trim  the grass edge  and manage to flick the cut grass onto the lawn to be collected by the  mower but it is noisy and you  risk  mangling any plants that lollop onto the grass. Edging shears are an alternative and I hate them with a vengeance, they seem to blunt so quickly (overnight in the shed even) and  are so slow and awkward.

All this has obviously been  a problem for a long time and one  that  has set many engineers thinking.        Here are three of their solutions.   

This little beauty  collects the cuttings as well.  

'Scuse the disembodied arm, there was nowhere to 

lean the the machine.

This is pretty self-explanatory though if you squint it looks like a big eyed cartoon bird. 

This one acts like a very small cylinder  mower on its side.

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Kent County Show

At Kent County Show  there  were some  fabulous agricultural  exhibits both ancient and modern. 

This strapping woman was a huge seed drilling machine though with a bit of  sci- fi imagination it could just as easily be something waiting  to suck your brains out -  or Darth Vader's Mother

The back end  of a tracked tractor. What a shade of red this is! Lipstick for tractors.

I can't remember what this implement  was but again what a colour. Maybe there is a special palette of colours for tractor enthusiasts - let me know.  

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The Weeping Elephant

( or maybe it just had a runny nose)

I work at  Whichford Pottery where they produce   traditional handmade terracotta pots   but also  terracotta elephants in a range of sizes. During a dry spell in the  summer I noticed this  sad looking  elephant   had what looked like tears dripping from its trunk. I was worried we might have a   crying  Maddona  sort of thing going on, you know  how it is with manifestations, and that we might start getting   hordes of pilgrims arriving if I told anyone, so I  didn't.  Not that I was convinced it was a miracle anyway.    

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'ear! 'ear!

An unknown fungus on  Buddleja 

That reminds me, must buy more Q-tips

Thanks for reading.

.